He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
