I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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