Ambien. No doubt about it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
