im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
