Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
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Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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