its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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