I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
