I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
