I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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