Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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