Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
