i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
