we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
