Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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