just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
