I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
