now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
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Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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