just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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