Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
