I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
