I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
