He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize