Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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