She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
