So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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