...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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