That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.