How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are