Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
