I cannot find my penis.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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