It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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