Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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