shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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