just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
