I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
