A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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