Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
