i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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