ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
