I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize