Is it normal to miss your booty call?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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