Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize