Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
