did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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