It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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