I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
