dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
