Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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