so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
