dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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