officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
