Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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