i think my tv is drunk
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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