You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
