I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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