worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
